A 60-Year-Old Conscript

 

I’m a 60-Year-Old conscript 

But my gout is doing fine

Just point me out our enemies

And let me do my time

Arthritic trigger fingers

But my middle serves dual roles

Not as much weight I can carry

Alongside my jelly roll 

I’m a 60-Year-Old conscript 

And I’m coming after you

I’ll have those Chinese nationals

Shaking in their boots

I’m waiting to be Shanghai’d

Like my Ukrainian friends

Nothing shows state loyalty

Like being thrown into a van

I’m a 60-Year-Old conscript 

And my back is killing me

By the time its feeling better

Then it gets into my knees

But I don’t require much training

At distance, I can hardly see

Just put me on the frontline 

With my scattergun and me

I’m a 60-Year-Old conscript

But I’m still quite far from done

I say we rob the nursing homes

Of the last warriors that won

We need the proper attitude 

To make a winning team

Before we die of their next treatment 

Why not try and go out clean

I’m a 60-Year-Old conscript 

And my hands are getting tired

To be a keyboard warrior 

Sure is getting hard

I’m afraid this life of leisure’s

Drawing to a close

How bad it gets for all of us

Is what God only knows